Ch-ch-ch changes

“Turn and face the strange”. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say a pregnant woman’s developing body was not how Mr. Bowie intended these lyrics to be used, but honestly, it’s the most accurate comparison. 

There I was, just staring in the mirror at a 16 week baby bump. Too small to be noticed as a pregnant belly by anyone who didn’t know, yet, big enough for me to feel anxious and scared about the changes I was going through. I should have loved the way my body was morphing in preparation for my beautiful little baby’s growth. I should have found myself even more beautiful with each passing day. I should have...but I didn’t. 

I cried as one by one my pants became nick nacks on a crowded closet shelf. The body I had worked so hard to create withered away with each pound of beautiful baby fat I put on. And while I was over the moon in love with the creature growing inside of me, I hated myself and the changes I saw in the mirror.

No matter how hard it was to look at myself, I loved my unborn child more than my body. I loved my sweet precious baby more than any self-doubt or fear and woild continue to go on to gain a total of 45 healthy pounds during my pregnancy. If I could have a “do-over” I would eat the same amount and gain the same number of pounds because my baby is perfect. And for that I would have done anything. 

Many women struggle with body image issues. Some talk about it, some don’t...some don’t even realize they struggle with it at all. I have never lied to myself. I am honest about what I see in the mirror. I try not to crop photos or get the “good angles” -  because what happens when that photo is taken and you finally see yourself for what you really are? You are beautiful. You may never see that when you look at yourself. But I want everyone reading this to know that your body is your story. Mine has only a few chapters right now, but the pages are layering and I can’t wait to read more. I’m now on to get myself back to a good place and promise to share that journey with you all also. 

P.S. - we went to the beautiful Rocky Mountains at 16 weeks. That fresh air was just what I needed to fall in love with myself again. <3



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